Fly Shop Guy

I found this in the Humor Section of The Drake Magazine's website: www.drakemag.com. Though I am female, I was definitely the Fly Shop Guy for a couple of years. My stint at a southern university was only three years, but Number three could not be more true! BBT are PFP (have no idea what I'm saying, huh)!


Fly Shop Guy
1.Fly shop guy is staunchly heterosexual, twenty¬something, and uncertain of his politics.
2.Fly shop guy spent six or seven years at a southern university and is named Justin, Jeremy, Jonathan, Gifford, Trevor, Tripp or Tristan.
3.Fly shop guy will say things across the river when fishing is poor like, "Holy shit, dude, even the choice runs are total bunkweed schwagg water!" No one knows what the hell he is saying.
4.Fly shop guy lost last month's rent on a roulette wheel in Reno.
5.Fly shop guy has guided "half a season" on the Bighorn or the Snake and he drinks Fat Tire, not Budweiser.
6.The recipe for fly shop guy's fly shop sales attitude is: 1/4 marijuana attention deficit disorder, 1/4 morose indifference, 1/4 chronic exaggeration, 1/4 wassup dude.
7.Fly shop guy, will sometimes pin his sparkling new dory against a concrete bridge piling of a large western river. He will swim ashore, thumb a ride back to town, then hours-sometimes days-later, attempt to remove said dory with lengths of climbing rope and a luxury suburban. Generally, he is unsuccessful.
8.Fly shop guy thinks every foul-hooked whitey is a twenty-inch brown.
9.Fly shop guy is organizing $8.99 Rainer 18-packs, TJ's Exxon Station goodies, two dozen dogs, and a pile of other fly shop guys for a party float down the Madison during your favorite stonefly hatch.
10.Eventually, all things-even fly shop guys-merge into one, and a river filled with their empties and discarded fishing equipment runs through it. The river was cut by the world's great flood and runs over rocks from the basement of time. On some rocks are timeless fiberglass markings from fly shop guy's rowing mishaps. Under the rocks are the frequently stoned, inarticulate, nutrient-leaching words and some of the words are his. I am haunted by fly shop guy.
-Andrew Steketee